After hearing your description, I feel the best way to deal with your pain is on another level.
In your detailed description you describe your broken dreams and I feel that these broken dreams are now the cause of the ever-increasing complexity of your external symptoms.
By learning to dream again – especially if you use your imagination, your creativity and passion for life – you can rebuild your body from the inside.
Your dreams directly affect the blueprint of your energy body, which your physical body grows into.
Every cell in your body changes: some change daily, some change weekly; so that nearly every cell in your body changes at least every seven years. Each cell of your body grows into the electromagnetic field or energy blueprint that you have created for your body by your dreams, visualizations, passion and desire.
When you dream, you connect your consciousness to the universal life force, which is flowing from your spiritual essence or source energy, outwards.
When you dream, your awareness is in a place where anything is possible. Therefore, forget your current reality and go deep into your heart and learn to dream your dreams as though anything were possible.
This is like working on a plant, on the level of the sap. The clear colourless sap is what forms the hard stem, the soft leaves and the beautiful flower. It is your spiritual essence – your dreams, your self-image and your self-love – that create your energy blueprint, which your physical body grows into.
Therefore, move your attention away from your pain and focus on your spiritual essence, creating in your mind’s eye beautiful dreams and experiences that will bring you great joy and happiness.
You still have the ability to have beautiful music in your life. It may be that your energy has to flow in a different way – maybe by teaching others to become your fingers and your ears.
Through teaching others your dreams can be realized by blending them with those of other people who are in reality a part of you. Give yourself the freedom to dream the most wild and improbable dreams, knowing that you have the divine alchemy to create them as a Part of All That Is.
Please focus your energy on what is still working within your body and use that to allow your music to flow.